May We Always Be Fighting

As I sit here in a café in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, I am thinking about the documentary I just watched.  The documentary was of the rape and murder of Jyoti Singh in India almost two and a half years ago.  This story made worldwide news and sparked the outcry of the Indian people.  Even though the oppression of women worldwide is in the forefront of my mind often, living where I live and being involved in the anti-trafficking movement, this documentary left me speechless and haunted.

In the documentary, one of the perpetrators is interviewed. He shows absolutely no remorse, and even has the audacity to make the statement that women who have been raped are at fault, more than the men who took their thoughts and put them into action. In addition to that, he says women who are being raped should not fight back, but just allow the rape to happen. Apparently, the logic is that if you just “let it happen,” the assailants may let you live, rather than being forced to kill you.  The defense attorneys said that it is culturally unacceptable for a “respectable woman” to be out at night without her family.  It was 9:30pm.

As a woman, at least for me, I was taught at a young age to be cautious. I think about when I got my first car and my dad had told me to make sure at night I park under or near a lamppost in the parking lot. Somewhere well lit was (is) always safer. Or the fact that in those late nights when I would walk to my car in those parking lots, on occasion I would walk with my key in between my middle and ring finger (like my friend Chris taught me) so that if needed, I could use it as a weapon. In Cambodia ‘good girls’ don’t stay out past 9 according to culture. If there are nights where I am out past that time, I am looking in the side mirrors on my little moto to ensure that no one is following me. Either for theft or for something more sinister.

There are mounds of statistics about the oppression of women. Some are murky and hard to measure, so I will not be quoting any of them here (if you are concerned about this, feel free to dialogue with me!).  I can, however, speak to what I have experienced. While I have never been the victim of overt gender inequality/violence, I know many who have. Please believe me when I say I have known hundreds of girls who have suffered at the hands of sexual trauma. Even one woman or girl facing these issues is too many. Each girl must walk a road that she did not choose. And each instance of oppression is more than was ever intended when God spun the world into motion.

I offer no solutions, but maybe that isn’t the point. To quote Sara Groves’ song ‘The Long Defeat’  “I can’t just fight when I think I’ll win, that’s the end of all belief, and nothing has provoked it more than possible defeat.”

So, stick with me, maybe a (large) portion of fighting against the oppression of women is where we end up.  Yes, the goal is without a doubt to see the abolition of inequality and violence against women, however, part of me wonders if part of it is about the fight as well. Banning together as a unified people, men and women, working towards a common goal together. I know that this will be a battle that is around long after I am gone.  But we fight anyway. Maybe not to see an end in our lifetime, but to get one step closer for the generations ahead.

Women are powerful, and a force to be reckoned with. 

With that said, would you please raise your glass for a toast:

To all of the women and girls who may stumble across this post, you are seen.  You are brave warriors worthy of dignity and respect. To the men who fight for the equality and respect of women, we see you and thank you. To all of those who are survivors of violence, we will walk beside you and fight for you. Thank you for marching on.

Cheers to you. May we always be fighting.