Crying at the Dentist (again).

Well hello there long lost friends! As it turns out, I am (not surprisingly) terrible at blogging. Phnom Penh has been home for nearly 3 months and y’all have gotten one lousy post. Apologies (I have a feeling apologizing will become very familiar).

Did you guys all have a great Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s? I’m currently (and have been) living vicariously through everyone’s Facebook and Instagram feeds. Mostly for food posts.

 Since you, faithful readers, know my complete disdain for all things dental, you will probably enjoy this story.

So, I was having some sensitivity issues when I drank cold things, so I went to the dentist (shout out to Dr. Chenda!) to make sure I didn’t have a hole in my tooth and you know, to make sure it wasn’t falling out or anything. Turns out, it was much, much worse. Apparently my avoidance in extracting my wisdom teeth over the years, proved to be a terrible choice and the devilish teeth were destroying my jaw. “They must come out!” Dr. Chenda told me.

A few weeks went by before the surgery, so, naturally, I talked about it to everyone seeking any advice possible and probably annoying everyone in my immediate circle over here (probably in the states as well). One friend told me to be prepared because I will be awake and hear the drill echo from the tooth they will be drilling out, all the way up into my ear canal. Wonderful. Not only did I have to go to the dentist (my last cleaning in the states I brought a friend, and I cried) but I had to get my wisdom teeth out. In Cambodia.  With only local anesthetic.  (sidebar: if you know my father, you should ask him about our dental adventures when I was in 8^th grade. He will to this day refer to it as “going to hell and back.” So there’s that).

As I arrived and sat in the chair, which would be my home for the next 3 hours, I started freaking out. The sweet assistants and surgeon assured me it wouldn’t be bad. Pretty sure my thought process was something like “Whatever, what do you know?” As soon as they started wiggling my top tooth I burst into tears. “Sister, does it hurt, is that why you are crying?” “No, I’m just scared,” I said back. Really, I was thinking that this was actually my nightmare coming true, and I was having to pay to be awake for it.

The first tooth came out in 5 minutes, the next one took 2.5 hours. The gross roots of the tooth were so curved that I had two surgeons working on it. It was not a gentle experience.  Apparently, they worked through their lunch to rip the nasty tooth that was clawing onto me for dear life out of my jaw. Time ran out to yank out the other two, so I will be back there in another 2 weeks. They did tell me right before I left, however, that the other side is actually worse. So... something to look forward to!

In addition to my teeth, I can feel other things being ripped out of me that do me absolutely no good. Things that corrupt. Seriously guys, like lots of stuff. Why do we hang onto things that are bad for us? What exactly is the allure?

There have been times in my life where I was grasping onto terrible, terrible things (ideas, behaviours), knowing full well that they were in fact terrible for me. 

I suppose that everyone is different, but I tend to be extra fearful of the unknown and would rather hold onto what I do know, even if it is bad for me. There is some twisted comfort locked in there.

But what if there was assurance in knowing that the end result in prying nasty stuff out of our hearts was actually the road to our actual selves? How we were intended to be in the first place?

Ephesians 5:13-14 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."

My comfort would prefer me to be numb and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become.- Brooke Fraser

Our journey will never be perfect. We will stop and see something that looks pretty, but realize it is actually poisonous. But, take heart. It is those mistakes, wrong turns, and faulty thinking that actually draw us deeper. 

So yes, I should have taken my stupid teeth out years ago. And yes, the avoidance was met with some unpleasant circumstances. Yes there were things in my life that I shouldn't have done, and those were also met with unpleasant circumstances. The cool thing, though, is in some brilliant, backwards-thinking, creative, twist in logic way, there is freedom in failure.  It makes absolutely no sense until you experience it.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side? – Leo Tolstoy

 (I am a disaster without Jesus)