.prayer.

I'm not entirely sure that anyone actually reads this, but nonetheless, I need prayer. Leave 3 weeks from tomorrow. Starting to freak out. I mean, I am going to a place where I know no one. Don't know the language, the culture, what is considered insulting, what is considered encouraging. Still do not know what my teammates look like, meeting up with them is Chicago will be so fun, to finally put faces to a name. :) But I am terrified. What if we don't get along and end up driving each other crazy? So many 'what if's'. I suppose that is where trust comes in. As it turns out, I like to be in control (who would have thought?). Planning is something I love to do, and the fact that I have planned nothing about this trip is starting to sink in. I have no idea what to expect. No idea what I will see, or what it will be like to play with little girls who have been raped more times than they can count. How will my soul react? So. Many. Questions.

On top of all those questions and fears, I am being fiercely attacked. I can physically feel it. All of my inadequacies are surfacing and I am painfully aware of them. I feel completely overwhelmed and that I shouldn't go on this trip because I am such a mess. I have been angry all week. For those of you who know me, I am generally not an angry person, I tend to keep things bottled up inside and never really acknowledge if I'm upset or angry. Man this week has been different. Ask my sweet boyfriend who has bestowed an incredible amount of grace on me, yet, will still put me in my place when I am out of line. Everything seems to be bothering me and I can't escape it. Forces are trying to pull me away from my Maker in these last few weeks before I leave. It is pretty discouraging. Do not feel like myself at all.

So I humbly ask for your prayers. I know that we are warned about attacks. 1 Peter 4:12-13 says "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." So, even though, my emotions feel foreign, I will rejoice because, this should be seen as a good sign. I am a threat. Jesus is with me and fighting for me.

(sorry if this has been depressing, I will post a more uplifting one soon)