I am not sure I will ever write the sequel to my last post.
Sorry, folks. But I am on the other side of things with that particular
struggle and so take heart there.
A week and a half, friends. That’s all the time I have left
before moving back home.
More than two years ago, I was kidnapped by two YoungLife
girls (Kandace and Clare, I am looking at you) for by birthday and they took me
on some adventures. One portion of the night we were on one of the mountains
(ok, it’s more like a large hill, but Phoenix tries). There was a moment where
I realized I had nine weeks left in a place I called home for ten years. It’s
not secret to anyone that I don’t really like Phoenix, and often dreamed (and
complained, let’s be honest) about leaving. That moment, however, I stood
looking out over my city and felt a full heart. In that moment, I felt the gift
of not being allowed to leave until I left with a full heart, not totally
hating the desert. ;)
Last night was Thanksgiving and it was my third one in
Cambodia. The first Thanksgiving I spent here, I sat around a huge table with
people I had known maybe a month eating an enormous amount of semi-familiar
food. One memory of that evening was my friend Jared having one plate with ONLY
mashed potatoes, and filled to the edges of the plate. Someone after my own
heart, I thought. In that moment I realized I would be friends with him. My
second Thanksgiving I shared with only two other people, watching Christmas
movies and eating turkey sandwiches. Last night, however, I feasted. 13 of us
sat around a stainless steel table with dishes made from scratch. There was a
roasted turkey, homemade stuffing and sweet potato pie, rolls made using family
recipes, pies with homemade crust and berries. BERRIES, GUYS.
Because I am a sap (and oh gosh is it ever increasing these
days. May want to try your best to let me simmer a bit otherwise I may cry
telling you how much you mean to me) I made everyone hold hands during prayer
and say what we were thankful for. The most profound moment of thankfulness
came when one of my Khmer friends (it happens to be a holiday week in Cambodia
as well, and this friend was unable to go home to spend it with her family)
said she was grateful because even though she couldn’t be with her family, she
felt like she was with family with all of us. She nailed it. There was not a
single person at the table who was with family. Somewhere along the way, we
forged our own.
About 12 weeks ago, I sat on the couch of my friend’s
apartment with three people trying to console me. Not sure what I was upset
about, but kept saying through heavy tears “I can’t make it here another 12
weeks, I NEED to leave now.” Overwhelmed by all that had to be done, frustrated
by silly things I can’t change like traffic or whatever it was, I was breaking.
At that moment, I couldn’t Cambodia any longer, and to be honest, I really
didn’t want to. I longed for carpet and grass and walks without stepping in
something gross (and choosing to just not know what exactly it was that I
stepped in).
By no merit of my own, I have indeed survived the last
(almost) 12 weeks. And as I sat around that table last night feasting with
friends who put their heart into creating the meal in front of me, I started
thinking about what I was thankful for (mostly because my turn was coming to
speak up). There were almost too many things to count. I looked at the faces in
front of me, some I had known my entire time here, and others I had only just
met. I thought of the deep roots I have with people here. Friendships where, in
the best way, we were forced to weather all that a relationship is.
While there is much, much more to be thankful for, this is
where I will start. God has never let me leave a place without also giving me a
full heart. And last night my heart was full, in large part to the people
eating a meal with me, and to the people who have already left Cambodia. They
have forgiven my failures, loved me well, laughed until our bellies were sore,
celebrated victories over drinks, shared in sadness, shared in happiness, but
mostly have just been next to me.
The rest of the night was spent laughing and I am very
grateful because my heart feels fat from fullness.
Here’s to the friendships well worn in, that time nor
distance alter- Brooke Fraser
